By Lisa B in Da City

So I already told you that our holiday trip started off badly. Our new flight was rescheduled to leave on the morning of Christmas Eve at 6:20 a.m. We packed until the wee hours of the morning, and then collapsed for a brief rest.

We had to be extra-careful not to forget anything, since we’d be gone for 10 days. Surprisingly, the packing list included even more cold-weather gear than we usually needed in New York. The Pacific Northwest was still reeling from a snowstorm (their worst in 20 years) that had hit five days before. They weren’t equipped to deal with digging out from snow and ice - the county where HCFG’s parents live had only a handful of plow trucks. Although the Seattle airport itself was (barely) open, the roads everywhere were a complete mess.

Anyway, after about two hours of sleep (the car service picked us at 4:00 a.m.) we arrived bleary-eyed at La Guardia, cautiously optimistic that all was well. We were concerned, however, since it had snowed again the night before in Seattle, and because our former nonstop flight had changed into one with a connection through Cleveland.

We boarded the plane and sat on the runway. And sat some more. It ended up being two hours before we took off. HCFG remained relaxed while I sat there with smoke pouring out my ears. Keep in mind we had 55 minutes to make our connection. Cleveland Airport was apparently closed due to fog. I was freaking out, but HCFG stayed calm. He reassured me that the plane we were going to change to would probably be delayed getting into Cleveland by the very same fog, so it wouldn’t leave without us. Not content to leave well enough alone, he then lectured me about how much money the airlines lose when they strand people. You can just imagine how much I loved that conversation. I tapped my foot, gritted my teeth, and became even more stressed. HCFG went to sleep. Men!

Our plane finally took off for Cleveland and it was a smooth flight. The flight attendants couldn’t give us any information about our connection though so we had to ask when we deplaned. The perky agent said our connecting flight was leaving in 10 minutes. We were at Gate 5; our flight was at Gate 22. I thrust my very heavy carry-on bag at HCFG.

Lisa: “I’m going to run for it and see if we can make it. You gonna be ok?”

HCFG: “Go! I’ll be right behind you.”

I ran like OJ Simpson minus the bloody glove through the Cleveland airport. I was wearing a very heavy wool sweater, jeans and snow boots, so even without the carry-ons, I was still pretty out of breath as I reached the area. I got very near the gate and saw they were about to shut the doors.

My adrenaline was going like crazy, I felt like my heart is going to pound out of my chest.

Lisa: “Wait, please, we’re booked on that plane! Don’t leave! We’re here!

I ran up to the agent waving my boarding pass.

Flight Agent says reassuringly: “Don’t worry, you just made it. Is there someone else with you?”

Lisa: “My boyfriend is right behind me. His name is…”

HCFG: “I’m here!” He is weighed down with our carry-on bags, his computer and his heavy down coat.

Flight Agent: “You folks just made it. The pilot held the flight as long as he could; waiting for all the connections. We’ve been on the ground for 50 minutes. Most of the other people aren’t going to make it. We are missing over 45 passengers.”

Lisa: “OMG, thank you so much!”

Flight Agent smiled at us both. “You two are lucky; we have to leave in about two minutes.”

We boarded the plane and collapsed in our seats. Only 3 other people got on behind us. Keep in mind about 40 people missed their connection. On Christmas Eve. The good news (for us anyway) is that we got to stretch out with an extra seat between us.

HCFG said smugly, “I told you we’d make it. See you were all worried for nothing.”

Lisa: “Oh please, you were as worried as I was. If either of us stopped for a minute to go to the bathroom like we wanted, we would have been stuck in Cleveland for Christmas.”

HCFG: “Nope, I knew it would all be fine.”

Luckily for HCFG I was too wiped out to tear him limb from limb but I certainly wanted to!

The rest of the flight was smooth and painless. We even made up the time we lost.

January 16th, 2009 | Category: Uncategorized | Comments (1)

By Catherinette Singleton

The other night I went downtown with Lola and Mr. Dirty Ruddy Sailor for Happy Hour. It was the first weekend of the New Year, and we felt that it was an occasion to celebrate (i.e. get all Boozy Suzy and make some bad decisions). We chose a cheesy bar with great drinks. Happy Hour ended up extending itself until 2 in the morning. God, I love it when that happens.

When I arrived at the bar, Lola was seated next to some tool that was trying a very intriguing flirting technique: he was hitting on her while complaining about his girlfriend. Let’s call him Drunk Richard (I think you know where I’m going with this).

Drunk Richard clearly could not hold his liquor and was having a difficult time forming coherent sentences. I could see the desperation in her eyes when I took the barstool next to her. She was so relieved to turn her back on him and start chatting with me instead. Poor Lola had been there for 30 minutes listening to the pathetic sob story this guy was unloading. Drunk Richard was throwing himself a little pity party and had invited Lola to attend. You see, he was sure that his girlfriend was cheating on him.

Drunk Richard: She’s cheating on me! (Only it sounded more like, “Thee’s sheeting ohn me.”)

Lola: Cath, what do you think? [clearly trying to drag me under the bus with her]

Me: What’s your proof?

Drunk Richard: This afternoon when she was in the bathroom, I went through her purse, and took her phone. She had deleted all of her outgoing text messages, but not the incoming ones.

Me: First of all, you shouldn’t be going through her things.

Drunk Richard: But she’s cheating on me!

Me: Don’t interrupt me. Second, what you saw on her phone doesn’t mean anything. I do that all of the time, and I’m not dating anyone.

Lola: That’s what I said too.

Drunk Richard: But why would you delete the messages?

Me: Because they take up too much room on my phone.

Lola: Exactly!

Drunk Richard: Oh. But I know she’s cheating.

Lola: So what are you going to do about it?

Drunk Richard: I’m going to get drunk, and then go home and pass out. And we’re supposed to go out to dinner with friends tonight.

Lola: That’s a choice. [rolls her eyes]

Drunk Richard: I hate her. That color looks really nice on you. Let’s do shots. Can I buy you a shot?

Umm…what the hell was that about? I’ve never quite seen a “technique” like this before. Clearly the odds were not in his favor, but he wouldn’t back down.

1.   He was clearly 3 sheets to the wind and he was hitting on someone that was clearly sober.

2.   He was bitching about his girlfriend. Last time I checked, many girls don’t tend to want to date someone that already has a girlfriend. Now, I know there are some exceptions, but as a general rule, when a guy mentions “girlfriend”, “fiancé” or “wife” most of us will tune out.

3.   Did I mention who drunk he was?

Drunk Richard went back and forth between hitting on Lola, and talking about what a bitch his girlfriend was for cheating on him. It still boggles my mind that he actually thought that Lola might be interested in him. Yet he pressed on with how maturely he was handling it. Assuming that you consider picking a fight about a refrigerator, then storming out of the house to get drunk, just so you can go home and pass out at 8:00 as mature. That was his plan for the day.

I’m still wondering what he thought Lola would do with this information. Did he honestly believe that she would say to him, “You know what, Drunk Richard? You’re a really good guy, and your girlfriend shouldn’t cheat on you. Come home with me and let’s make some sweet love.” After all, isn’t that cheating? So was he just looking for a revenge tryst to get back at the girlfriend that was probably not cheating?

About 30 minutes later, the guy next to me tapped me on the arm and said, “Excuse me, my friend wants to know if your dimples are real.” It was at this point that I threw Lola under the bus and made her listen to Drunk Richard’s stories about his ex-girlfriend while he tried to make passes at Lola.

http://www.catherinette.com

January 15th, 2009 | Category: Catherinette | Leave a comment

By Miss Model Behavior

Last week’s article was called Dating, Why Bother? Now I’m on antibiotics, not just Theraflu and it’s yielded even crazier results. It somehow got my friend and me talking about how it might be best to not have sex with anyone you actually like.

It sounds like a voyage on the Crazy Train, I know.

The premise of theory emerged from the fact that when you date someone for awhile and hold off on sex, you can miss your romantic window and end up ‘just friends.’ But more likely, you’ll just start to get terrified. Sex is terrifying enough; add your already super strong attachment to a person and taking it to the next level may feel like knotting an emotional noose around your neck.

Our parents and middle school sex educators talked about how sex should only happen when two people are ‘in love’ and how the act feels ‘special,’ like being hugged by lots of teddy bears (this is literally what my 6^th grade sex-ed teacher said when I asked). But in reality, I think many couples choose to go for sex first, letting a relationship develop afterwards if there’s anything more there. And I don’t think this makes us a society of sluts, it just makes us animals, which we are – I write about pheromones all the time, it’s actually one of my favorite topics after how much I hate reality TV.

When we date and hold off on sex, developing a strong emotional bond with the person if there’s a bond to be discovered, we’re working on the relationship’s intellectual and spiritual connection and putting off the physical. Every therapist and dating book on this planet will tell you this is a good idea. It’s true that when you get physical right away annoying hormones can take reign of your mind, clouding your judgment and making you attached to someone you rationally have no business being attached to. Like the coat check boy who doesn’t speak English. Or your boss that’s married and lives in Paraguay.  

On the flip side, who wants to fall for their intellectual and spiritual soul mate only to get under the sheets first time six months later to realize they sexually revolt you? Or that your intercourse resembles a mishap from a Seth Rogan movie? And let’s note, being incredibly sexually attracted to someone and enjoying high school length make-out sessions with insane sexual chemistry doesn’t always translate to great sex. The world’s just not that logical. 

Add in the fact that even good sex makes everything twenty times more complicated, always in emotional ways we can’t plan for or foresee. Also add in that unless you marry this person and even in the 50% chance that you do, your relationship with them will end.

Some people are so mature that they can immediately become friends with their ex and reminiscence over their past relationship over brunch at Bubby’s on double dates with whomever their currently seeing.

I don’t know anyone like this, but I’ll believe the people who tell me they exist.

Unless you have a secure ticket into this mature ‘we loved and still love as friends’ club, you’ll most likely break up, have a lot of anger toward the person, and perhaps never even see them again. I’d want to encase the face of the girl who scored my beloved ex in jelly scones. And maybe stab my ex’s eye with my mimosa straw. So clearly, no brunch for me. I’d rather do to yoga. Or attend an anger management class.  

So if you really like someone and score ten out of ten on the intellectual and spiritual side, is it better not to chance messing things up with sex and just staying friends forever? The erotic tension can stay and you might be lifetime confidents instead of a passionate six month Affair to Remember reenactment.

http://www.selfabsorbed.me

January 14th, 2009 | Category: MissModelBehavior | Leave a comment

By Adventures of Now

I took my last final in the kind of blizzard you’d never wanna get caught in.  The kind of storm that causes unavoidable slipping and a lack of vision due to the thickness of snow.  So needless to say, when the 19^th came around, and my classes were completed, I was as done as ever.

I came back two days before my ex-boyfriend’s birthday.  The same ex-boyfriend that was my first love — the one I left for Wisconsin.  The one I left for casual sex and a carefree college life.  As you all know, I found it.  Although he started out in Boston, he has made it back to LA to finish up school on the West side.  Generally unresponsive to me these days, K asked me to come over the night of his birthday.  Shocked by an invitation from currently the flakiest person I know, I cleared my plans.  I gathered up my two close friends, who have always loved K for his wittiness and his sarcasm. 

We left hours later and my mind was running immediately.  After hours of laughing until we were nearly in tears, I began to wonder…  How is it so that I can meet someone I absolutely adore, can’t get enough of, and want to endure various adventures with, when I’m 16?  Now I’m weeks away from 22 and I’m meeting the same guys who I want none of that with.  Remember S, the good on paper, boring in person guy?  He’s everywhere!  Well, not him literally but replicas of him.  The nice guys that just don’t cut it.  Although K and I might be all wrong for each other now, and I do have to recall the various reasons we broke up, I still care for him and I still remember loving every bit of him.  And I know if I’ve had those strong feelings for someone in the past, I could feel that way again.  Right?

So I had to put my memories of K behind me, I just had to.  So, what do I always do to get away?  I go to Vegas! I took my best friend J to visit my sister R and we had our usual drunken time.  We drank at noon and then napped all day.  We became nocturnal and loved our lives and our margaritas. 

This is it.  Two weeks from now I start school again, but this is the last time.  I’m looking at the light at the end of my tunnel as my last semester approaches me.  So, what to do now?  Before I’m bombarded with novel after novel, final after midterm?  I’ll go for more time off, more tolerable weather and of course more tequila.

http://adventuresofnow.wordpress.com/

January 9th, 2009 | Tags: AdventuresofNow, bar hopping, college dating, college life, college love, dancing, los angeles is home, love, love in los angeles, loving los angeles, madison wisconsin, moving to los angeles, relationship advice, relationships, romantic, schoo romance, sex, university of winsconsin | Category: AdventuresofNow | Leave a comment

By Catherinette Singleton

Men, I’m about to clue you in on a little secret about women: we have a secret sign language that allows us to communicate with one another – right in front of you.  This “mating sign language” (MSL) is something commonly used.   Let me make it clear that we don’t all use the same signs.  This isn’t like American Sign Language where you can learn the signs and then speak with anyone else that knows it.  MSL is constantly evolving and redefined by each group of women that uses it.

Let me give you an example.  Last year, I went to a huge party (which was somewhat in my honor, but that’s another story).  Muffy and I were in the car on the way to the party, and we had this conversation:

Me: I’m so excited to go out and meet some hot new men tonight!

Muffy: Me too!  It should be a blast, or else it’ll be Loser Fest 2008.

Me: Ach, you’re right.  It might end up being 300 girls and 8 guys.

Muffy: What’s our sign going to be if we meet someone and want to talk to him alone?

Me: How about we rub our right elbow if we want some alone time?  That will mean, “If you don’t go away, I will elbow you in the gut!”

Muffy: Perfect!  And if you want me to save you, just rub your left wrist.  That will mean, “This conversation makes me want to slit my wrists.”

Me: Agreed!

No more, “Don’t you need to get another drink by yourself,” or, “isn’t that your friend ringing?”  The simple agreed upon sign is enough to notify your friend that she best be on her merry way before she ruins everything.  It’s much more subtle to rub your wrist, which could mean anything, than be caught rolling your eyes at someone that’s trying to unsuccessfully flirt with you.  The established MSL also ensures that your friends are reading your signs correctly, and that you don’t have to play charades to try to get them to leave you alone with the hotty that you want to take home with you. 

Assuming that your friends are reading your signs without agreeing on them ahead of time can be a fatal mistake.  When I go out with Claude (who is gay and is therefore automatically included in discussions of MSL), I might play with my necklace to signify that if he doesn’t come and help me, I will strangle myself with my own jewelry.  

One night when he went out with another girlfriend of his, he saw her fiddling with her necklace.  Assuming that she was on the verge of hurting herself to end what was a torturous conversation, he immediately ran over and dragged her away.  She was livid as she had been having a wonderful time with a potential mate.  When he explained that he had seen the “save me or I’ll strangle myself” sign, she tore into him as that wasn’t what she meant at all.  Rather than saving her from one of the world’s biggest losers, he ended up cock blocking her.   Agreeing upon MSL before going out is critical as we may use different signs with different friends. 

Unfortunately, gentlemen, I can’t tell you what all the signs mean as we make them up as we go.  What I can tell you, is that the next time that you see that girl you’re talking to rub her wrist/elbow/neck, tug at her earring, or put her hair in a ponytail she could be signaling her friend to get lost.  Then again, she might be telling you to get lost…

http://www.catherinette.com

January 8th, 2009 | Tags: catherinette singleton, catherinette.com, dating, kismeet, kismet, kissing, kizmeet, language of love, love, love language, mate, mating, missed connection website, missed connections, msl, relationships blog, romance, sex | Category: Catherinette | Comments (3)

By Miss Model Behavior

Exploring why we date, why we search for ‘twu wuv’ (my mocking way of saying ‘true love’) is pretty much as futile as trying to pinpoint the meaning of life. Since I’m drugged up on cold medication, I’m going to analyze anyway.

I was talking with a friend of mine over an excellent pot of fondue (Note: fondue is a great meal to consume while pondering unanswerable existential questions. Something about the dipping process just makes you feel more sophisticated) when we began outlining the beats of a New York relationship. I specify New York because I have zero authority on what this process is like in other places in the country. People tell me that in states like Colorado and California calling someone your ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ isn’t one of the Seven Deadly Sins and that people engage in things called ‘relationships’ without loopholes or footnotes and even participate in this whacky ritual called ‘getting married.’

This is just what I’ve heard.

Anyway, in our minds it went something like this:

1. You meet someone you REALLY like. Someone you like enough to engage in this whole nutty process with – hence why we call this dreamboat-like phase ‘adoration.’ You’re getting to know them and they can do no wrong. It actually defies the laws of physics (and other laws I can’t think of) since I really loathe people who interrupt and correct me mid-sentence but when the object of my affection does this it doesn’t bother me at all.

The good news: You’re ridiculously happy, just like you inhaled mass amounts of helium or went for a fifteen-mile endorphin-high sprint.

The bad news: You know your state of euphoria can’t last forever.

Leading us directly into phase two:

2. The other shoe drops.

That magical romantic spell you were under?

Gonzo.

Just like over indulging in any good thing, your partner now becomes ‘normal’ to you. Sort of like your dishwasher or expensive juicer. You also start dealing with real life issues in a non-dreamboat way…like when he’s puking his guts out and you have to stay home and play nurse meaning you both miss your best friend’s birthday party. Or when your car gets towed, again, and instead of it being a fun adventure, you’re both pissed and sailor swearing.

The good news: Some fun times still shine through. You can pat yourself on the back for being in a ‘real’ relationship.

The bad news: You often think life would be simpler if you were just alone.

Oh, and did I mention your sex life’s no longer akin to hot movie scenes?

3. Tied together.

The third and final step is when you move in together or do the whole marriage thing. It’s possible I’m just a warped New Yorker accustomed to inhumanely small living situations, but it seems amazing to me that this is the GOAL. I’m robbed of half my closet space? My own bathroom? My privacy? This is a good thing?

At this point, any personal space or sanity you achieved throughout your life is eliminated. Former friends start referring to you as a unit like “Jill and Jake” and family members incessantly harass you about the next stages of your relationship until you’re bullied into the marriage process. Then you’re either divorced in five years, fantasizing that you were, or have a bunch of kids and therefore have no time to think about anything at all.

This doesn’t mean you don’t love the person. You probably do. You’ve just become part of the three-legged race, tied down to someone else instead of walking normally alone.

The good news: You have love and a life long partner. Rent’s cheaper.  

The bad news: A relaxing bath. That great job offer across the country, or your personal goals which involve moving to Belize. Forget it. You’re a package deal now.

By the time the fondue pot was dry, the only reason we could come up with for “why date” had to do with the fact that through dating you learn something about life, other people and yourself. Soon, I promise to take an alternate flavor or Theraflu which will hopefully yield more optimistic results on the topic of love.       

http://www.selfabsorbed.me

January 7th, 2009 | Tags: alone, dating blog, euphoria, girlfriend, gonzo, life long partner, life partner, love blog, miss model behavior, missmodelbehavior.com, New York City, nyc, real relationship, relationships, romance blog, romantic spell, self absorbed me, selfabsorbed.me, sex blog, topic of love | Category: MissModelBehavior | Leave a comment

By Lisa B in Da City

“Honey, wake up! Aren’t we going to make brunch for your family today?”

Grunts emanate from the enormous tangle of covers on the bed.

“We promised to cook breakfast for our New Year’s Day celebration. You really need to get up now, o.k.?”

More grunts, but the pile of bedding begins to stir.

“Why did we offer to do this?” HCFG mumbles in a tired, put-upon tone.

“We were being good guests, remember?”

“Oh, right. Next time we’ll know better.”

I rolled my eyes for show but I quietly agreed with him.

HCFG reluctantly got out of bed. He groaned horrifically all the while giving me dirty looks. But he soldiered on and left the room. HCFG then paid it forward and went to wake up his son, CFT (aka Cute Fun Teenager). Our exhausted little team went to work while HCFG’s parents watched the Rose Parade and enjoyed their coffee.

HCFG is a fabulous brunch chef. First, he made scrambled eggs with two types of cheese for garnish. He then grilled tomatoes English style, while simultaneously making crispy bacon. I mixed up a batch of cornbread while CFT grated cheese, set the table, and generally made himself useful. The piece de resistance (i.e. dessert) we didn’t actually make. His parents had told us about an amazing Norwegian bakery in the next town. We bought cinnamon sticky buns which made your mouth water just looking at them. Carbohydrate-sugary-cinnamon goodness! Anyway, the whole meal was divine and HCFG’s parents loved it, which made it all worthwhile.

The rest of the day was spent in a relaxed lazy heap. We watched football, read, and were generally too lazy to move off our respective couches, armchairs or pile of pillows. Just the way New Year’s Day should be! Even better, no hangover remedies were required.

Happy New Year, Everyone. Hope 2009 is the best year ever for you and yours!

http://www.lisabindacity.com

January 6th, 2009 | Tags: advice, breakfast, dating, family, guests, HCFG, Lisa B in Da City, lisabindacity.com, Los Angeles, love, love of your ilfe, new year's day celebration, New York City, nye, relationship blog, romance, sex | Category: LisaBinDaCity | Comments (8)

By Catherinette Singleton

If you’re like most people, you’re probably nursing a pretty bad case of the cocktail flu (hangover) this morning.  Ahh, the sweet sweet joys of New Year’s Day.  There we all were last night celebrating the coming new year, drinking cheap champagne, and making all those resolutions to make our lives better. 

The New Year’s resolution: our chance to do something differently in hopes that life will be better in the new year.  I find that the second I make one, I find myself breaking it on New Year’s Day.  Let’s take that resolution to lose 20 pounds - that’s pretty much out the window when I inhale a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, 4 donuts, a 2 liter of Coke, and some leftover Christmas cookies on New Year’s Day.  I usually don’t make resolutions, but I’ve decided to give them another go.  This time, however, it’s going to be different.  I can just feel it. 

I’m not going to fool myself into believing that I’m actually going to lose 20 pounds, or go to the gym 5 days a week, or find a new job, or clean my bathroom every week, or go back to get my Master’s degree, or stop mocking people.  Instead, I’m going to focus my resolutions on dating.

Those of you that are regular readers know that I have some pretty awful luck when it comes to dating.  If I’m not busy making a bad decision that ends up with a make out session in a yellow Mustang, then it’s making a bad decision that ends up with me in tears and my now ex-boyfriend sending me a nasty email message on how he thinks I’m the unhealthiest person he’s ever met, emotionally and physically.  I know, I know, I’ve picked some winners in the past.  Well, that’s all about to change thanks to my 3 resolutions:

1. Dating.Com: I don’t tend to meet a lot of men at work anymore, at least not since I vowed to stop dating coworkers.  Most of my friends are married, and they never have any available hot single men to introduce me to.  Instead, I find that I hang my hopes on some random encounter when I’m out on the weekends.  I’ve had little luck with this.  I’ve taken a stab at online dating, but haven’t really taken it seriously.  It’s about time I caught up with the rest of the world.  I’m signing up for a minimum of 6 months with one of the big online dating services.  I’m going to write that kick ass profile (really I’m just going to dust it off because it’s already pretty kick ass), find those cute pics, and I’m going to date at least one person a month.  If it doesn’t work out, at least you all will have a wonderful story to read.

2. Snap Judgements: It’s probably a shocker to believe, but I’m quick to judge.  I know within the first 5 seconds if I’m willing to give someone a shot.  In some cases, I end up with losers (like the one that lied to me about being single, bedded me, and then sent me a Christmas card informing me that he had had a girlfriend when we were busy knocking boots).  We can also assume that I’m probably letting some good ones slip through my fingers.  As of today, I’m saying no to the 5 second rule.  It no longer applies to men, only to food that’s fallen on the floor. 

3. Make Out Sessions in Cars: I’m voting no on this one.  Thinking back over the last 2 years, I can’t think of a single make out session in a parked car that ended up with anything more than blog fodder.  Sure, it makes for a good story, but I have to live with knowing that I made out in a bar parking lot with some tool that owns a muscle car.  That’s just shameful!!  From now on, unless we’re parked outside my house at the end of a promising date and he’s going to be coming in the house for some “coffee”, I’m not making out in cars anymore.  Unless the guy is really hot and is gainfully employed.

What’s your New Year’s dating resolution?

 
http://www.catherinette.com

January 1st, 2009 | Tags: catherinette singleton, catherinette.com, dating, kismeet, kismet, kissing, kizmeet, love, missed connection website, missed connections, relationships blog, romance, sex | Category: Catherinette | Comments (8)

Happy New Year Kizmeet Fans!

Did you have any missed connections?  Visit Kizmeet to see if it’s kismet!  Post and read missed connections in your neighborhood.

January 1st, 2009 | Tags: 1, 2, 3, destiny, happy new year, kismet, kizmeet.com, missed connection website | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment