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Are women intimidated by good looking men as men are when it comes to attractive woman?
Sometimes men can get intimidated by a beautiful woman meaning, we automatically think she has a man so we do not even try. Sometimes we are intimidated b/c we think she is out of our leauge. Do woman think the same like he is to hot to be single, looks like a player, he is too serious????
 
Computer Guy July 24, 2007 11:26AM

23 comments
Good question, CG! My guess is, probably not. But I'm curious to hear what women think about this one.

Trev July 24, 2007 11:11PM
Trev,

I might have to disagree only b/c it may depend on the area u live. My sisters and lady friends tell me I am a very good looking man but woman will be hesitent to approach me b/c I do not smile enough, and I give off a look like I am taken. I do understand that a smile will take u far, but some people walk around with perminent smiles on their face..that is not me. I do not think a woman should base wheather she says hi or not on that....but here where I live that's how it is.

Please I am not being cocky but woman stare at me everyday under their sunglasses but they say nada...kills me man especially b/c I am chicken to appraoch them. The funny thing is I see a lot of woman who are so serious and do not walk around with smiles on their face. They have a "Do not approach me look", or "I am married look". But men do not care about the look they still approach.

The worst is you always see the hottest ladies when it is rush hour and you are going to work, especially getting off the train. What are u going to do stop someone when they are rushing to get to work, they would be like "Excuse me I have somewhere to be for 9:00"....lol.

I just wish it could be the same.......

Computer Guy July 25, 2007 07:17AM
I know for me it can be intimidating to even think about approaching a very attractive guy. I'm shy to begin with, but I also have a tendency to assume that someone that good looking probably already has a significant other. I've also met quite a few attractive guys who are well aware of it and use it to their advantage. That makes me leery of approaching them. But it doesn't stop me from looking, cuz having some nice eye candy is always a plus. :) It would probably be different if I were more outgoing person in social situations, because then I might not think about the possible downsides so much. I'm sure that doesn't help your situation very much, CG. I wish I had some advice to give you.

Valkyrie July 27, 2007 09:20AM
No, we're not. At least that's speaking for most of my friends. Although we can usually spot a player from a mile away.

yesiamjess August 04, 2007 07:09PM
Hi CG, I would have to say women aren't intimidated by good looking men, to a certain degree.

For myself anyway, I'm not necessarily intimidated by really good looking guys as long as they seem approachable. I have approached guys who I think are really good looking and have gotten positive responses, but he must send me a signal before my approach. In order for me not to be intimidated there must have been eye contact or a smile or two, or maybe he just looks like a friendly, easy-going guy.

I am guilty of assuming that a really good looking guy who doesn't smile a lot is arrogant or has a girlfriend. So your lack of smiles could definitely be putting you at a disadvantage.

So long story short I guess (in my opinion): Really good looking guy that smiles a lot and looks like he's happy = not intimidating; Really good looking guy who doesn't smile and looks very serious = intimidating.

Yummy Mummy August 08, 2007 05:35PM
 

Klee, You took the words right out of my mouth!
But I would like to add that it may not be your lack of smiles but your lack of eye contact.

If I see a guy across the room who is very good looking but gazing off into the distance, I probably would not approach him. But if I catch this very attractive guy looking back, then I may go up and say hi [or just look back and hope he makes the first move]

As for the smiling, usually it happens naturally. So if you catch sight of a girl accross a room who gives you "the eye" don't you feel your self light up when you realize that shes checking you out too?

I have to admit that it would be a little intimidating/scary/weird if the same guy didnt throw some sort of smirk back.


loving life August 09, 2007 10:17PM
 
Good point about simply having eye contact and not necessarily getting that smile. You can tell when a guy is checking you out, so obvious eye contact, minus the smile is sometimes enough for me to make an approach...but I still usually wait for the guy to make the first move :) I think we're all afraid of rejection!

Yummy Mummy August 10, 2007 06:13AM
Hi Klee,

That is my point if u see a good looking guy who does not smile a lot u automatically think he is arrogant, stuck-up, or has a girl. When is actuality none of the above is true...this is my curse I can just imagine how many opportunities I have missed b/c woman look at me this way. But I think if a woman really wants a man she should approach regardless if he look serious. The guy could be depressed or sad, plus the chances of him turning down a good looking woman is slim.

I smile with woman and send signals but the woman here in my city still do not try and capitalize on it, they still live in the past.

Loving life, that's the thing woman check out men so indiscreet that u just do not know. If I see a woman looking at me smiling I am there. But what I find is woman here they do not make it noticeable that they are checking u out....so frustrating.

Most men are hunters when it comes to approaching woman, but I am kind of introverted.

I guess the ladies where u guys live are different and more forward. Klee as u said maybe the eye contact minus the smile may be good enough, not where I live......

Computer Guy August 10, 2007 01:05PM
 
Hi CG,

Then knowing all that, why can't you just swallow your pride and approach the girl? If I can do it you can too. I too am quite shy and introverted, but if there is a guy that I really want to see whether I can get to know, I will approach him. Then at least if you get rejected you won't be doing all this bantering inside your head. I think it's worse wondering whether you've missed an opportunity than getting rejected and knowing you tried.

That being said I don't necessarily always practice what I preach (it's always easier said than done I guess). I probably missed an opportunity myself lastnight, but again it sometimes does come down to girls being old fashioned and waiting for the guy to make the first move. This guy and I were smiling at eachother ALL night. Then I was squeezing past him and he tried to strike up a conversation, but we were literally pressed against eachother blocking "bar traffic" so I tried to keep chatting but had to keep moving. Now I'm kicking myself that I didn't find him to give him my # before I left...

I do think a lot of girls are old-fashioned and think the guy should make the first move. Plus, I know in my case, I have a lot of guy friends who agree that they should make the first move. My guy friends are the ones that tell me if they see a girl that they are intrigued by they will approach her, and if they smile at a girl and don't approach her then they're not truly that interested in learning more about her, it's just another pretty face to smile at I guess. So I try to remember that, although sometimes I can't help myself and must approach a guy anyway.

Just out of curiosity, what city are you in? I'm curious b/c the girls in your city sound like you might live in TO...all our TO guy friends are telling us not to make the first move, yet you're saying they want us to...hmmmmm...and they say women are hard to read :)

Yummy Mummy August 11, 2007 07:10AM
Computer Guy - I've noticed your cyber-footprints all over this forum and I have to say, your displacement yet belonging here is, oddly enough, attractive. I think many of us take up these thoughts on a regular basis - some even as a sort of side job in our everyday life. Others don't even give these thoughts a second glance. They see someone they like, they pounce the opportunity and either get a 'yay' or a 'nay' - either way they can fall fast asleep at night. We, however, the thinkers, need to get to the bottom of these questions - our evolutionary duty of procreation awaits!!

Skyebleau August 15, 2007 08:22PM
Sorry Klee for the late response work has me busy. Yes ur correct I live in TO. Woman here are the true def of old fashion. It's funny cause more woman are in my field which is IT, more woman truck drivers, police, astronauts, etc....meaning there are no more set rules as to what gender does what.

Yes I agree I need to man up and start approaching woman. But I am very careful with my woman. It's like picking that perfect grape from your vineyard to make a nice bottle of red wine, saying that I am always attracted to the nice...nice...ones

The other day I was in wal-mart and saw this immaculate lady and I was speechless. These are the places you hear about people meeting each other rather then going to the bars.

I just stared at her as she left. Then I saw her outside and she knew I was looking at her, but she tried to act like the typical TO girl and look the other way......By the way why do woman do that man, they know ur admiring them and they play it off.....only in Toronto.

I think I fear the word no or I have a boyfriend. That is a crushing blow man especially if u were really interested in her.

I think I will be a nerd and try practicing smiling in the mirror....maybe that will help.

Computer Guy August 17, 2007 01:29AM
 
We are somewhat old fashioned yes. It's a good point you make that there are no rules anymore, but for some reason we fail to believe that it's as equal in the dating world as it is in the corporate world. I think there's a fine line that women walk in the dating world. And not all of us are good at it. If we make the first move and show interest by calling you, we're considered needy or clingy. If we don't make the first move and wait for you to call us, we're considered playing hard to get.

I am guilty of sometimes pulling the move of looking away when I know I'm being checked out. But I think it's more out of shyness than trying to pretend I don't see you. We see you - and we usually want you to come say hi. I try to smile more now when I'm being checked out so I don't portray the intimidating "I don't care" woman. I think I'm pretty approachable anyway and tend to be attracted to approachable looking guys.

You say you're attracted to "nice....nice" women. By this I am assuming you mean hot. If this hot woman were not so intimidating and smiled back, would you approach her? Or would you still be too afraid of hearing no or hearing she's taken?

You'll probably get a better response if you practice smiling at women rather than your mirror ;-) Maybe you'll find we're not so intimidating!

P.S. In response to your comment to Skyebleau about women having agendas...we're not all like that, but that topic is worthy of an entire thread of it's own :) I might have to start that one myself b/c I have many opinions on that one!!!

Yummy Mummy August 20, 2007 06:50AM
Hey Skyebleau,

How is it going??? hmmmm thanks for the compliment if it was one. Well to address what u said I have always taken pride in the fact that I think a lot. I have created a lot of topics here some reflecting my personal life, people around me, or just trying to pick peoples brains.

I think there is so much junk on tv that we miss out on the real issues. I can just image how many men/woman are so confused about certain aspects of their relationships and they only have their friends to turn to which is good but can also be bias. It is nice to know that you can ask a complete stranger a question and hear what they have to say.

Growing up in this big city and also having the opportunity to travel around the world I have seen a lot. Dating is tough man, and I think it gets harder as u get older. I have so many topics in my mind that I can saturate this site like your high speed connection being saturated by constant movie downloads on your street. I do not think people are ready for what I have to express.

The funny thing is skyebleau tv portrays this hollywood life to young ladies and they are brainwashed into thinking that is really live. A small dog, nice clothes, being skinny, being with a guy who drives a 7 series and has a lot of money, partying, and being unfaithful. See men have always been unfaithful we all know that, lets move on. But woman they are coming right behind us. They are not settling down at 25 anymore, more like 32. If they know they are hot they act it to the fullest. They should just be humble and act normal. But b/c guys gas up their heads they have no choice but to follow suit.

Guys who are handsome are just chill.....woman should try that and I think that is probably what is so intimidating for me is I think whenever I see a nice looking lady she already has an agenda......


sorry for the spelling mistakes in advance.....





Computer Guy August 17, 2007 01:48AM
 
I’m in the library and I laughed out loud when I read this. Why I laughed is unimportant. After the laugh, I received a few stares, a glance or two, and even a down-right nasty scowl for this interruption. In the spirit of this posting, the good looking guy across from me just received a huge grin. He took delight in my light heartedness. So there, one good looking lady just smiled at one good looking guy. The mating-smile quota has been filled for the day! Now, everyone else can relax about it. Oh, and I don’t plan to strike up a conversation with him right now because I’ve got work to do with writing this post. :)

Interesting you scapegoat the telly. I don’t watch television, but I do watch a ton of movies. And I can tell the difference between drama and real life. In fact, I’m a writer and I’ve got the market covered on these sorts of things. My agenda is to appeal to the media mongrels and the average everyday Joe, and my work comes largely from using my own life and the life of people I know (with names changed of course!). Actually, I came to this site surfing for writing material. And let me tell you, in the world of interpersonal relationship writing and drama, this is like a gold mine!! Eurekea!

So here’s some random thoughts - Most women want to fit in with their girlfriends, right? Most girls also want to fit into the dating world, and to do this requires fulfilling certain gender-based ideals. They feel the urge to provide men with what they think men want out of a woman. Nice clothes, a decent hair cut, painted nails; all of the things that females do to be considered feminine. So, some women are hyper feminine and they take it to the extreme while others are not. A woman can still be super de doper hot and not be all dolled up. I’d like to know what you go for Computer Guy – and you may have already posted on this, so my apologies if this is a repeat – but do you go for natural beauty or dolled up? Depending on your honest answer, you my friend may be perpetuating this beast of immodest women seeking doublely immodest Hollywood lifestyle.

Again, getting back to what I mentioned before, not to sound elitist or like an intellectual snob, but most people don’t tangle themselves up in thoughts such as these. They don’t care that what is on the telly will never be close to their reality. They have wants and needs and desires, and whether they are fueled by the media or not, ultimately it bears little weight on the world. They are on automatic pilot, tunnel vision, and won’t stop until they achieve their material happiness. They all have dreams, just as you and I do, and everyone wants what is on the other side of the fence. We all scapegoat our worries, anxieties, and troubles on and on and on, until we hope they are resolved, extinguished never to surface again. What I wonder is why you are so caught up on these “young ladies” who are brainwashed – when clearly they have nothing to do with you or what you want. So, there are women out there with agendas, so what? You won’t settle for that, so let the next guy deal with it. Or, wait a minute . . . Is it your mission to rid the world of all these boastful babes who are out to steal your heart, wreck your wallet and sell your soul?

I wonder what shows you watch that promote this so-called Hollywood life of having a small dog, nice clothes, a trim waste line, a series 7 (whatever that is) and parties non-stop? I want to check them out.


I don’t’ have time at the moment to completely address the woman’s “agenda” comment. Soon enough, I will.

Best wishes everyone.



Skyebleau August 20, 2007 01:38PM
 
Skye,

Anyone who uses phrases like "our evolutionary duty of procreation awaits" is someone I want to read.... looking forward to your comments on the woman's agenda....


yesiamjess August 21, 2007 12:10PM
Hi Klee,

I take it your from TO right? At least for me I do not consider a woman who calls first to be needy or clingy, maybe she just really likes me. I know there is that so called waiting period before you call someone after you get the number...who cares just call. If I like someone and I am free the following day I will call them. I try not to get caught up in all of that.

Ok now I understand why woman act like they don't know ur checking them out, thanks Klee it has been a mystery to me. So ur saying woman are usually shy when they look away, or does this only pertain to u? I think that is a great idea for a woman to smile when she knows she is being checked out, makes it much easier for me.

To answer ur question I think we all base our attraction off looks b/c that is all we have in the beginning. So yes I like hot girls but they have to be smart c'mon now :)

I think if that lady smiled with me I would def approach her b/c that is all I need a smile and that is my motivation.

I know all women do not have agendas so pls do not take what I said the wrong way. But Klee a lot of woman in TO do have their own agendas pls be honest.

One thing I have to change is that for some reason I think it is not possible for a good looking lady to be single, with that said when u see an attractive lady ur like yup she is taken....is that the same way ladies think?

Am I the only guy holding it down on this site or what?

Men where are u?????


Computer Guy August 22, 2007 12:09AM
Bleau,

I had an idea u were either an English professor or a writer. Your words are placed so accurately it is impressive. I agree with what Jess wrote "who uses phrases like "our evolutionary duty of procreation awaits". When I was reading your response I was like this lady is on a different level.

I really do not watch TV b/c it sucks so I too watch a lot of movies. But when I watch the tube I normally watch National Geographic, documentaries, sports. Documentaries are where I learn a lot of stuff. I watched one the other day about women who starve themselves so they can look skinny. Well yes woman want to be with like their GF's I agree. But I do believe it has to be you that's where it begins. Some women just do it just to follow suit not b/c they enjoy getting a French manicure/pedicure, wearing Prada, etc. Let me share something with you that I strongly believe in. I love a woman who has sex appeal...what is sex appeal you ask. Sex appeal is not wearing skinny jeans, pencil skirts, Victoria secrets...etc. I think a woman can spend thousands of dollars on all these things and still not look sexy. She could wear the tightest clothes and still not even be sexy. Sex appeal is within you are born with it. Clothes just over-exemplify this to the fullest. But a sexy woman should be able to put on baggy jeans and still look sexy. I think a woman should want to look sexy for herself and then for her dude, without that it is meaningless. Yes I like girly girls but I am not shallow. I like a woman who takes care of herself maybe by doing her nails which I have no problem paying for b/c I like to see them done, a woman who gets her hair done every 2 weeks, a woman who takes time to put herself together. I can always tell when a woman woke up an extra 15 mins to do her hair and not to just wet it put it up in a pony tail and out the door. I like a woman who if she lives with her guy she might wear some nice things at home that may make her guy do a double take.

Hahaha no it is not my "mission to rid the world of all boastful babes who are out to steal my heart, wreck my wallet and sell my soul? I am just trying to voice my opinion as well as try and understand woman better, with me being shy and all.

There is one network you can watch to provide some food for thought and that is BET. I do not watch it b/c I think sometimes it is sending the wrong message to young woman and men.

I cannot wait for the agenda topic.......


Computer Guy August 22, 2007 12:43AM
 
you're not the only guy on this site. i've been reading for a little while now, but not everything you're written. but can't say i'll be able to back everything you say. such as that women are born with sex appeal. that doesn't seem to make much sense. sex appeal can be nurtured and can be brought out in people over time.

but i agree that when i see an amazingly hot woman, my first instinct is that she's taken. i do wonder if women feel the same about men, even though i'm not by any means a "10".

K. G. August 22, 2007 08:49AM
I’m trying very hard to think about how the two words of women and agenda go together. Agenda for me is such an evasive word. There are high stakes involved when you say that someone has an agenda.

I think, I am a woman, do I have an agenda with men? What is my agenda? I think women who have agendas are quite obvious. I bet as a man, if a woman comes up to you and strikes up a conversation, you’d be able to tell if her agenda is to only get with you because you’re attractive, seemingly wealthy or whatever. Men, please fill in on this experience, I feel inept.

Ladies, we’ve all been there – enter stage left, the guy, he comes over, strikes up conversation, instantly the bells go off. The conversation feels forced, going down a particular path, he doesn’t seem curious about me in an innocent way, the familiar pattern emerges – omg, all this guy can think about is sleeping with me! And I can’t help but ask the poor dude, excuse me but are you even present in this conversation or are you too busy contemplating the exact curvature of my calve and svelte-ness of my neck? Agenda kills chemistry. All spontaneity is squashed.

Some would say for women marriage has evolved into a status symbol. I’m speaking coyly when I say that the agenda for heterosexual women is the ring plus the document. The girl wins, she gets the ring. The bigger the better ensures that she will get all the material possessions she could ever want. Women aren’t conditioned into thinking they could get these material possessions on their own – no, must get a good, honest, successful male to build the nest with you, or better yet, for you. This is social conditioning. For men, it is the promise of sex. Come on, we must pay our dues to our primordial agendas (I’m not an anthropologist and I don’t know why I feel the need to do this) because women want protection and men want to spread their genes everywhere. I’m convinced that even today, in our comfy cozy little modern worlds, humans adhere to some serious cut-throat courtship strategies that go way back. And it is because we all have agendas, whether we realize it or not.

Love is not nice.

And so, I will leave this here for you to open up.


Skyebleau August 23, 2007 03:46PM
Hi CG/Skyebleau,

I'm going to comment on both of your posts in one reply b/c some of my thoughts pertain to both posts.

So what you're saying then CG is basically what I said in my first post. Hot + smile = not intimidating; hot + no smile = intimidating. I think that applies to most situations in life and not just dating. Some people are more approachable than others, be it at work, on the street, or in the dating world.

I can't speak for all women, so I don't think the shy thing applies to us all, but I'm sure there are many of us out there. A lot of women do play the "pretend not to see you game." For myself, when I can tell a good looking guy is checking me out, I'm kind of like, "holy crap, he's hot, I can't look." As if I will turn to stone or something if I do. I get shy. If we exchange glances more than that one time then of course I will smile and say hi. But I do wait for him to make the initial conversation opener...maybe it's time to try starting the conversation myself and see what happens. I like experiments.

With that said, yes, initially my interest is based on the look of a guy as well. Just like men like to see manicured nails and styled hair, women also have certain things they look for. For a few of us, those things don't include a 7 series and a Bay St. job in hopes of getting a huge rock a few years down the road. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely attracted to good looking guys who have style and a secure job, but you don't need to make 6 figures in order for me to want to be with you. At the risk of sounding cheesy, my agenda isn't to be married, have a rock bigger than my girlfriends', or own an LV bag, but just to be lucky enough to find someone who has similar interests and beliefs that I can be silly around and can't keep my hands off of. I'd rather have that and never get a piece of jewelry than to have the rich guy who works so much to make the money he does that he buys me material goods b/c he can't spend time with me.

I think it's easier for women to tell if a guy is single than a guy to tell if a woman is single. When I was out with a bunch of friends once, one of my guy friends said, "You should go for him, he's single." I asked how he knew he was single since it was a random guy walking past. He said it was because he had a swivel-head. When guys are single they are always on the look-out for an attractive lady. Watch when you're out next. I like to people watch so I find it entertaining.

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling now so I will leave it at that and call it a night.

Yummy Mummy August 23, 2007 08:16PM
Hi Klee,

I can relate to much of what you wrote in this post.

I'll respond to just one segment, so i don’t end up writing a novel here -

I'm afraid these topics can be so subjective that coming to a one-size fits all type of answer may not be possible. The best way to approach this is to say that age, ethnicity, and demographics (among many other variables) influence how people relate to their ‘agenda.’ There are so many layers to this issue.

Skyebleau August 25, 2007 06:35PM
Hi Yummy,

I am still waiting for u to start that topic u promised.

Computer Guy December 05, 2007 11:33PM
I had forgotten about that comment...let me compose some thoughts and post that thread at a later time :)

Yummy Mummy December 10, 2007 06:03PM




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